See!! I did it again!

I am horrible at this. I used to do so well at the blogging factor. This time around I just get lazy, or busy, or feel uncreative. I have tried to update this many times since February. I would write a few sentences and then quit. I need to do this for my own sanity. I have given up on a hand written journal as well for the moment. I need to get out of this uncreative state of mind! Here goes......

I wonder why a ton of my friends have told me to go into work in the adult industry. Is it because I am horror-porno fat? I am thinking that's the issue. I have had friends who have told me I need to be a dominatrix. Well... I don't know how much that works for me. I mean dominating is fun from time to time, but I am also a little submissive. To make a career out of domination seems a little odd to me. I don't think I could do any of this stuff with a straight face. I have heard from others that I have a great voice and should be a phone sex operator. That's another profession I don't think I would be very good at. Yet again I don't think I would be about to keep a straight face the whole time. The whole time I would be trying not to laugh. "What would you like me to do to you" *snicker giggle* "Oh that sounds... *snicker* hot". Yeah I just don't think that would be right for me. So what is it about me that screams "SHOULD WORK IN THE ADULT INDUSTRY"? I am pondering what it could be. I have a strong personality? I have no talent besides making the sex? Sigh... I have no idea where it comes from. I should explore that further.

So, now what is going on in my life worth recounting?

The 4th of July. I woke up exceptionally early to get my best friend downtown to do hair for her work's float in the 4th of July parade. 6:15 and I was out of bed. Not exactly how I wanted to start my morning, but the promise of sitting down and actually watching it with Dee sounded lovely. Last year we were in the parade. We were hot and miserable. But it was all for Dee. She was 4 and being in the parade made her feel so awesome. It made me feel lame and embarrassed. Annnnyway. This year we were told to show up at 8am so the hair could be done and we would be out in time to get to our seats and watch in the shade. Well.... no one showed up besides us... till 9:10am. We were beyond irritated. Well not so much me, but my friend was livid. She was mad because she had to get me and my cranky daughter out of bed super early to get there. Then she wasn't even gonna be in it, she was doing them a favor by doing EVERYONE'S hair. She also made synthetic hair pieces for the band. Who, she was assure had hair long enough for a pony tail so they would have enough for the piece to clip into. Well... Of course the band all had short hair. So she spent money and 60 hours of her time unpaid to make hairpieces for the band and other hairstylists. Then in the end, even though she had told her boss we weren't gonna be in it this year; they brought out the wagon and told Dee to get in with Uni (another hair stylists daughter) like she did last year. And with that we were sucked into the parade. AGAIN! Thankfully I kind of guessed this would happen so i prepared by actually putting on makeup and making my hair look nice (with a clip in of pink, black, and blonde synthetic hair) And I even wore a dress. Man I'm glad I wasn't just wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I'm glad I didn't roll out of bed and into the car, as I would normally do. LOL "roll out of bed and into the car". I just had a mental image of me doing exactly that. YES I have decided to keep this a little on the stream of consciousness side! Hooray.

I have no idea why we make our holidays so stressful. Usually after the madness of the parade I am stuck going downtown to look at the booths. So those thousands of people who just watched me in the parade are everywhere. All touching me and each other as we are stuck, in the heat, buying over-priced - lukewarm food and drinks. Bleh. This year we got to skip it all together and walked to a friend's house and relaxed. At least for a little while. Dee has fifth disease and that was used as an excuse to get out of stuff this year. Which I think was an excellent idea. But it's true, heat really exacerbates the rash that comes with fifth disease. By the time we were done with the parade Dee had it all over her arms legs and face. We ran into people we knew afterwards and there were noises of horror when seeing Dee's rash. After the relaxing trip to our other friend's house it was off to K's in laws house for drinks (not me, I was DD) and pool time (not me, I had no suit). I just sat in a lounge chair and kept nodding off. Not for long mind you, for like seconds and then my head motion would wake me up. Kinda like what happens to me on the bus. Haha. But really, I didn't stop moving and go to bed till 2am. Normally i like to make it home for a nap. Do the hell of downtown till like 1 or 2. Then go home and don't leave till 5 or 6 for bbqs. Too much activity for me in one little day. Its like that on Christmas and Thanksgiving too. Yikes.

Time for bed. More later! Hey I'm doing it! I am continuing this if its the last thing I do.

I am horrible at this...

I always start these things and then stop.

Lets see. My laptop dropped dead. I wonder how I manage to have this happen. I think I have the worst luck with stuff like this. I'm pretty convinced I have weird electromagnetic energy that causes all electronics to turn to shit in my hands. I have had countless cellphones since I was 16 years old. And man... lemme count laptops. 7 laptops since 2002.

I fucking have no idea to write. I need something to get my creative juices going. :(

Musings in the early am

I have been thinking for a while I should try and start another one of these. I figure now is an excellent time. My work "restructured" and I was a casualty. I am on call right now. So I am unsure how many hours I will get. Scary thought for a single mom with no child support. But, such is life.

I have a suggestion for myself. Never play around with facebook in the wee hours of the morning. I went on a mad adding streak. All sorts of weird people from high school. I had to stop myself from just adding anyone. IE my all through high school crush. I know he would probably barely remember me.... barely to not at all. So probably not the best idea. I am wondering why I am having the desire to add everyone ever from high school. I couldn't wait to get out of that nonsense. And then... BOOM! Here I am, 25 years old and I feel like having a high school reunion at the touch of my finger. I guess its safer than actually having to speak to these people. Sit back and quietly monitor their weird lives.

On to another topic all together. I have physical therapy bright and early tomorrow morning. I really shouldn't be wide awake still in any way shape or form. I have to admit I like back physical therapy much more than knee pt. Much more massage! I was all ready to try and go back tomorrow.... well technically today. But I got that dreaded phone call. The one where the HR manager calls your cellphone requesting you call her back as soon as you get the message. When I heard those words on my voice mail my stomach felt like it fell straight out my damn ass! But I will try and look at this like a positive thing. Working nights was killing me much faster than life already was. No matter how many hours of sleep I got I never felt rested. I think its probably many different things. For example its harder to get into REM sleep during the day. I did think my shift was safe. The census in my building went down drastically since I had been out with my weird spinal sprain. So they had too many people on shift during days and evenings. At the last staff meeting they mentioned the almost certain possibility that they were going to have to have people volunteer to go on call, or they would have to start forcing people on call by order of least seniority. I was stupid enough to think I was safe. At night you only need 4 CNA's for the whole building. Well I was wrong. They forced me on call and moved someone with more seniority from to too crowded shift into my comfy position. So yes....... trying to make this positive. Maybe I'll get called in frequently for day shift. So I wont have to kill myself working vampire hours. And more important. This gives me enough time to actually heal from my injury.

Okay, sleepy time.